A.I.: Artificial Intelligence
   written and directed by Steven Speilberg
   based on the screen story by Ian Watson
   and the short story Supertoys Last All Summer Long by Brian Aldiss
   starring Haley Joel Osment, Jude Law, William Hurt

       Back in 1999, Adam and gang were busy working hard on the special Artificial Intelligence issue of READ Magazine.  At the time, I was attempting a breakthrough attempt at film criticism.  That issue was to be my debut with READ, yet my goal was not achieved in time.
       The plan was to master time travel so that I could go forward and see Steven Spielberg's A.I.:Artificial Intelligence before it had even begun production, just so that I may review the film for READ.  I knew that by doing this, I might upset Mr. Spielberg, but I figured the respect I could achieve from the critics of the world, my peers, would be worth the wrath of one of the most powerful men in Hollywood. 
       Alas, I knew nothing of time travel and therefore was a failure, not making my debut when it was demanded, nor making the incredible idea that could have been the most significant event in all of film critic history a reality.  I needed more time.  Even more, I needed an issue of READ to come out with a focus on time travel so that I might learn from Adam everything I needed for my difficult task and journey, just as there was a time when I learned enough about sharks and dinosaurs to do absolutely nothing with, but wished I had.
       This summer marked the season in which my dreams could come true and my prayers be answered.  Adam notified me that the forthcoming issue would be directed towards time travel and the ultimate burrito.  And what better time to come than the very month of Spielberg's debut?  I raced the clock in order to complete my time machine, spending millions of dollars on telephone booths, DeLoreans, and Scott Bakula. 
       Unfortunately, I have not received any answers as to how to enter the tunnels of time, nor what the Flux Capicitor really does, nor why Bakula decided to make Unnecessary Roughness, thus ruining his changes at a film career.
       After viewing a screening of A.I. tonight, I came home and stared at my copy of the artificial intelligence issue once again.  Leafing through the pages, I wondered how I couldn't have been the one to replace Siskel.  Ebert would have had no choice in picking me over Richard Roeper at the sight of my monumental review.
       Then it hit me.  I knew at that moment that if I ever fulfilled the end result of all my research and experimenting, now or far in the future, that a review for A.I. by myself would already exist in the magazine.  Anybody who is convinced otherwise probably believed the Quantum Leap episode where Sam was Lee Harvey Oswald and we were led to think he saved Jackie Kennedy from also being shot, which had originally happened in history, only we can no longer remember because our memory too has been changed.  So, I know now that I will never be a hot shot film critic.  At least not one as big as I imagined I'd become had everything worked out.  I'm not saying that time travel will never exist.  But I know that I will never see it exist in my lifetime, for the proof of such would already lie in the pages of READ Magazine.

this review is as satisfying as sex with robots