 |
 |
 |
||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
"If you stop going to bad movies, they'll stop making bad movies.
If the movie used to be a TV show, just don't go. After Roman numberal
two, give it a rest. If its a remake of a classic, rent the classic!"
-Jay Sherman, "The Critic"
bad
news
8/30: A Sappy 007; Newman and
Redford United; Steve Carrell Almighty; Shankman's Last Lap; vengeant
children; rapping nannies; more El Leonard
8/24: Goodbye to Brock Peters
and Hello to Halo, aliens and more Frank the Tank.
8/21: Aladdin, X-Men 3, Pathfinder and Rififi
8/03: School for Scoundrels, Sean Connery and an original Invasion
7/28: Voltron, Jessica Simpson and Charlie Chan
7/22: The week's bad news
(goes to a separate page)
7/17 - Film Fest Censored For Your Protection
I was reveling last week
at the composure exhibited by Britain in reactions related to their recent
terrorist experience. "The Daily Show" ran a
story Monday about the country’s relatively nonchalant behavior
in comparison with American responses to tragedies such as 9/11; there
were no surges in Union Jack sales or “Never Forget” bumper
stickers, although some might attempt to claim the U.S. got it worse (the
same self-absorbed some who are now worried about subway attacks here).
Regardless, we are certainly more consumed by our disasters, and often
our collective distress is evident in Hollywood’s decisions to protect
moviegoers by holding back releases that could evoke the pain.
The British, though, have no
problems with Warner Brothers’ fall movie V for Vendetta,
a comic book adaptation about terrorists in a totalitarian England. The
film, which stars Natalie Portman, even features a subway bombing shot
on location in the London Underground last month. Although nearly four
months will pass before audiences will get a look at that scene, it appears
from the lack of concern that it would make no difference were it released
today.
Unfortunately, some Brits are
in fact uptight, as shown by organizers of the Cambridge Film Festival
who decided that out of respect to the victims of London’s bombings,
screenings of the award-winning Arabic film Paradise Now should
be cancelled this past weekend. That film tells the story of two Palestinian
suicide bombers, which really isn’t relatable to the acts in London.
Tickets had already been sold for the screenings and patrons were refunded
their money. There is no mention in the press whether any of the ticket
holders had lost interest in the film following the bombings. I doubt
none of them had. The decision to omit the film from the festival had
come about from talks with local authorities and police, not intelligent
cineastes who typically frown on censorship, especially from organizations
that supposedly founded in the support of the arts.
7/13 - Miscellaneous Bad News
-Just when AMC Theatres was beginning to impress with
its endorsement guarantee of Cinderella Man two weeks ago, they
turn their likeability upside down. The chain, America’s second
largest, has declined a booking agreement with THINKFilm for the The
Aristocrats, an unrated documentary about “the dirtiest
joke ever told” that the distributor picked up at this year’s
Sundance Film Festival. The decision is film-specific and in no way is
based on the lack of MPAA rating (AMC is currently running unrated Indian
films like Paheli and Parineeta), so the refusal is
plain old censorship.
[In unrelated news, I was denied employment by AMC Theatres today
for, “not fitting their criteria at this time.” They were
not allowed to disclose the specific factors in their decision, but based
on today’s news I am better off not working for them. I have no
desire to support them in any way.]
-It is a good bet that based on last weekend’s business at the box office that Fantastic Four would get a sequel in the near future. The comic book adaptation, despite horrible reviews, earned more than anticipated and ended the media’s obsessive inflation of the inconsequential ‘box office slump’. If I were optimistic I’d point out that a sequel could be an improvement similar to X-Men 2 (the first X-Men looked as cheesy as Fantastic Four), but I’m not and I don’t anticipate progress. Besides, I’d have to see the current release to compare. The only good news (there’s such a thing?) is that the MPAA no longer can use the ‘slump’ as anti-piracy propaganda. Oh wait; Europe is now having similar box office woes. Is it time for another international summit on piracy, MPAA (I knew there was no good news)?
-The following bad ideas were announced this week:
sequels: Hollow Man 2; Road House
2 - Last Call; I Will Always Know What You Did
Last Summer; Gladiator 2 (focusing
on Dijmon Hounsou's character);
remakes: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (formerly
announced but now on track with Owen Wilson); Summer School;
adaptations: The Time Traveller's Wife
7/05 - Miscellaneous Bad News
- Not surprisingly, news agencies and the ignorant reporters that follow
them continued on tuesday misleading coverage of the now infamous "box-office
slump". The 2005 Independence Day weekend was actually down
a legitimate percentage, though, since the equivalent time in 2004 saw
a wednesday opening with Spider-Man 2, which is also incomparable
due to its record-breaking gross. For previous coverage of the slump
by the Film Cynic go here.
-In a bold, near-commendable move, theatre chains AMC and Cinemark have both offered a money-back guarantee on the film Cinderella Man. The endorsement of satisfaction in the Ron Howard movie, a first since AMC's similar push with Mystic Pizza in 1988, could have lead to problems for cinema managers (thankfully I just quit my role as one) having to judge a patron's honesty after each showing. How many people liked it and claimed not to have? How many will have an awful moviegoing experience even if they like the picture because of all the extra possible freeloaders? How many people will complain that they can't get the same satisfaction with The Perfect Man? And how many will not even need the guarantee because of how boring is the first act of Cinderella Man? I enjoyed much of the film, but if I had a choice to get my money back, I definitely would. AMC stating that the film is one of the best of this year isn't saying that much. These days there aren't many pictures worth $10.
-Brett Ratner, the talking monkey hired by Fox to direct the third X-Men movie, has decided that creating superheroes is another job he should prove to the world he's no good at. For the second sequel to the fan-pleasing comic-book movie, Ratner has invented a mutant not found in the pages of the Marvel series, probably because he doesn't care enough about the fanboys to scan through the pages for what could be hundreds of thousands of established characters in the "X-Universe". To top off the idiocy of the move, the obviously sleazy Ratner (have you seen him?) has announced that this creation is, "An unbelievably hot and sexy hooker," who can seduce anyone. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that sort of Mystique's job, in the films anyway?
6/27 Box Office Slump Good for Hollywood Propaganda
Disappointing
business at the box office this past weekend adds to the news-making slump
in movie grosses comparative to 2004. Now in a record eighteen-weekend
losing streak that finally surpasses the seventeen-weekend rut of 1985,
the motion picture industry appears to be taking the news lightly.
Why? Because the MPAA has just won a bigger battle, and the illusion
of lowered returns only serves as an encouragement for what plans they
take next.
As usual, the news reports
are a bit misleading. Most coverage gives the full story, but as
many readers don't get much further than a headline, people are getting
the idea that overall attendance and business is down. Not necessarily
true. Most of the big films this year have made the greater of their
grosses on weekdays; Revenge of the Sith, Batman Begins and
others have debuted mid-week, and the money earned on their opening days
do not figure into the weekend figures. This wednesday's opening
of War of the Worlds will not help matters, either. Another
factor is 2004's record business -thanks partially to trendy draws The
Passion of the Christ and Fahrenheit 9/11 -making it a hard
year to beat regardless of otherwise diminishing returns.
So despite the buzz, this
new record shouldn't be hurting anyone in Hollywood, although it may still
be a concern of some exhibitors. Theatre owners tend to revolve business
around weekend attendance rather than that of mid-week, and the slump
is likely to affect concession sales. Still, the movie studios might want
you to believe they’re hurting, and that piracy –not bad product
–is the cause.
Thanks to a unanimous decision
by the Supreme Court today (MGM
v. Grokster), file-sharing programs are now liable for illegal trading
of music and movies on the Internet because they encourage the activity.
This “historic victory” (as MPAA President Dan Glickman referred
to it) reverses the decisions of lower courts to fault only individuals
doing the actual sharing. Hollywood is now permitted to sue Grokster as
well as other P2P programs possibly resulting in the altogether disappearance
of such supposed piracy aids.
Meanwhile, Hollywood has still not embraced any ideas for legitimate movie
downloading.
6/17/05:
The media
on Thursday continued their misdirection of research data concerning the
future of motion pictures. This time it was the Associated Press making
news of lighter, more obvious findings from the AP/AOL
Poll conducted by Ipsos Public Affairs. Stories appeared throughout
the day announcing discoveries that Americans think movie stars are poor
role models and that film fans prefer watching movies at home. These titles
cater well those people who appreciate assurance of things they already
know while failing to provide important information for citizens who get
their news only from headlines and maybe a first paragraph.
What a lot of readers
might have missed is the acknowledgement from 47% of those polled that
movies are getting worse. While less than half, the number of dissatisfied
Americans is favorable to our fight against the depreciating quality of
motion pictures. Hollywood is sure to defend their product by claiming
a 53% victory, but those who do not think movies are getting worse is
also 47% (33% actually think they are better; 14% see no difference) since
6% of Americans are not sure of either their own tastes or their ability
to gauge.
Entertainment may not be democratic,
but studio executives paying attention here might want to increase the
caliber of nearly half their output while continuing current trends with
only a third. The remaining sixth can be a Kramer Vs. Kramer
or an Alien Vs. Predator for those ambivalent enough to be satisfied
with anything.
Missing entirely from Thursday’s
AP wires yet released by Ipsos on the same day are the findings from another
study on motion picture consumption. Data unveiled by MOTION, a research
program for tracking viewing behaviors and attitudes, includes rising
figures regarding the awareness of movie downloading yet no increase in
actual realization of capabilities, legal or not. Most substantial is
MOTION’s admission that trends in movie downloads are following
a path similar to that of music (studied by Ipsos’ comparable TEMPO
tracking program) three years ago and that today legal music downloading
outweighs piracy.
Another message to executives:
figure out a way for these newly aware Americans to download movies legally,
because while you don’t exactly want entertainment to be democratic,
you sure as hell don’t want it to be communal.
6/13/05:
The
New York Times is reporting today that, according to NPD Group tracking
research (announced May 24), video downloads are on the rise. Providing
more fuel to Hollywood's inferno of anti-piracy battle, neither the Times
nor NPD could specifically claim that illegal full-length motion pictures
had increased since last year.
As yet another misleading
representation of data, the short Times article serves no purpose other
than to support Hollywood's propaganda countering digital media.
There is no recognition of the fact NPD issued a press release last week
stating legitimate music downloads from iTunes have reached a popularity
higher than contraband files from peer-to-peer (P2P) network sharing.
This should be more important to movie studios that still fear an authorized
forum similar to iTunes for movies.
Additionally, the Times article
claims that many of the tracked files are likely pirated television episodes,
a fact downplayable by recent NPD data claiming TV-on-DVD sales continue
to rise.
5/18/05:
Because of the record low
movie attendance in recent months, few people will realize that their
concessions were raised in price just over a week ago in time for the
new Star Wars release.
This weekend, as millions of drones visit the multiplexes to see George
Lucas' dud of a grand finale just to be a part of the machine, they may
complain about popcorn prices. I have no evidence of how many theatre
chains went on the rise with their menus, but based on my prediction
(see bad news from 4/15) and the proof seen at National Amusement cinemas,
I will make the assumption that this company was not alone.
It should be no secret
to moviegoers that theatres depend on the concession stand revenue to
stay in business. People just don't really care to know such truths
because they would rather see adjustments or handouts than honest explanations.
The whole truth is that prices of goods can usually be blamed on the consumer.
To go into all the reasons of supply and demand, of those who take advantage,
of piracy and other factors, I could probably fill a book. That
book wouldn't sell very well, unfortunately. When I told Gwyneth
Paltrow that the expense of her ticket purchase was to pay high salaries
of movie stars, she seemed offended. People don't want to know that
they are the cause of their own miseries.
George Lucas can account for
a lot of the blame this season, though. Surprisingly few people
care about him being the scapegoat. The excuse shuts them up, though,
because as long as they aren't at fault, they could care less about the
full story.
Edward Jay Epstein is one of
my heroes lately. He has been analyzing and exposing the Hollywood
economics on Slate.com, NPR,
his own website and in
the brain-tingling book The
Big Picture. I wish that Epstein could get his hands on percentage
deals that studios and theatres have on their box office ticket sales.
He typically generalizes, as most reports on the subject do, that they
make out 50-50 by the end of a film's run. Lucas has been rumored
to get a better deal for opening weekend with little balancing done in
the theatre's favor. While a movie like Sahara might have
a 80-20 deal for the first week, and after awhile if it has legs the way
Sahara did, that could be reciprocal. Star Wars
supposedly does closer to 90-10 and probably won't last long enough for
any fair interchanging of numbers.
As little matter
as the box office figures are in the news (read Epstein's latest column
on Slate from Monday), I am curious to see how Star Wars measures
up compared to the last two prequels (Attack of the Clones had
a significant drop from The Phantom Menace). I would rather
see the actual attendance numbers, though, and would even more curiously
like to see concession figures compared, because as a movie theater employee
and champion of projected entertainment versus home viewing, I am concerned
with theatres' ability to keep in business with changes that favor a person's
decision to stay home. Concession prices -along with pre-show ads
and poor auditorium manners -continue to affect the minds of moviegoers.
I anticipate much criticism in the next couple days.
5/11/05:
John Woo, never a stranger
to the L.E. Bad News section, has announced another handful of movies
he'd like to remake. The timeframe for Woo's work is always questionable,
though. Having just left the video game adaptation Spy-Hunter
due to scheduling conflicts, the once great director of Hong Kong action
movies has not completely committed to a project in two years. His
last release was Paycheck, one of the worst films of 2003.
Woo's most recent,
and likely premature, claim is on three French thrillers: Honor
Among Thieves, originally directed by Jean Herman and released
in 1968; René Clément's Rider on the Rain
from 1969; The Prone Gunman from 1982.
The filmmaker is supposed to direct the first of the "Thriller Collection",
which goes into production later this year, but is unsure about the rest.
Now that Spy-Hunter is off his platter, Woo is set to helm a
remake of Jean-Pierre Melville's classic French heist film The
Red Circle.
Other projects that Woo
has been attached to in the past few months include the video game adaptation
Metroid, the toy and cartoon adaptation Masters
of the Universe, a Chinese historical epic titled The
Battle of the Red Cliff and a computer animated version
of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Honor
Among Thieves also inspired the script for Ocean's Twelve,
originally written as a vehicle for Woo before being rewritten as a sequel
to Ocean's Eleven.
5/04/05:
Loews Theaters is today making headlines
for announcing its intention to include warnings with its published showtimes.
If a newspaper or website gives 7pm as the time for Kingdom of Heaven,
for instance, an included disclaimer will point out that the actual feature
may start closer to 7:15. This addition comes as a response to complaints
nationwide regarding the amount of advertising that audiences are subjected
to before the movie.
This could create a few problems.
Not all movies feature the same length of preshow materials. Disney
films are contractually void of non-trailer commercials. The new
Star Wars, on the other hand, will feature over twenty minutes
worth. Many people already come late to movies, intentionally or
otherwise, and interrupt the opening sequence of, say, The Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy, trying to get children situated, taking jackets
off while standing, blocking your view. Now the assumption that
one needn't be on time for a film could become standard. The only
good that may come from Loews' idea is that the chain might sell more
concessions since less customers will bypass the food stand thinking they
might miss the feature. Hmm. Could this be what Loews was
planning?
Other companies (the one I work
for included) have been starting projection 3 to 5 minutes early with
the idea that the product ads will spool through before the actual showtime.
I've experienced complaints that some movies start too early (whether
it be the aforementioned Disney 'toon or the result of anxious projectionist/managers
hoping to get out ahead of schedule) and that accidental late starts should
exclude the ads or face lawsuits (customers have the notion that omitting,
or restarting or fast forwarding, is that simple). Really, the only
solution is to cease the advertising altogether. Unfortunately,
that is the last option in the minds of theatre owners.
Daily Star Wars bad news!
First of all, let me just say that George Lucas and his
ridiculous rental agreements, with his sickening percentage balance, contribute
a lot to theatre owners' need for ad revenue.
Now, here is the biggest
lie of the year: "I have to tell a story. I'm not making these,
oddly enough, to be giant, successful blockbusters. I'm making them because
I'm telling a story, and I have to tell the story I intended."
George Lucas is quoted by the Associated
Press today in response to his newest Star Wars film receiving
a PG-13 rating and fears of parental backlash. I've got an idea
for Lucas, and I don't truly mean to aid his paycheck, that I believe
goes along with his usual filmmaking practices. He could release
a totally kid-friendly version of Revenge of the Sith since he
secretly wants to be accomodating and then in a few months he can re-release
the more violent edit and then he can come out with an extended DVD and
then later a new cut for the box set and then the 3-D re-release in 2007
and so on and so on.
Actually, he doesn't need to
go along with my proposal because kids will see the movie anyway.
He could make the thing NR and still fill the seats.
4/27/05:
It figures that by
the time loser studio Paramount would get a deal with
Marvel Comics that all it can produce is Captain
America and Nick Fury. They might
as well just make Moon Knight or Quasar.
As for the daily Star
Wars bad news: George Lucas has been
nominated for Discovery Channel's "Greatest American".
There is no way that he could win, but even to be included in the 100
nominees is a joke. Some tremors were felt at South View Cemetary
in Atlanta following the announcement (because Martin Luther King Jr.
was rolling in his grave).
4/26/05:
Star Wars
is spinning off into two television shows, one animated the other live
action featuring minor characters from the movies. George Lucas
wanted them all to be hologram series and has cursed the American public
for not owning enough (or even inventing) hologram sets in order for his
true vision to be appreciated. Scientists are now contemplating
a short cut to Lucas' vision by tapping directly into his brain and allowing
subscribers the chance to experience his thoughts.
For those bored with all the Star Wars crap, don't worry; Hollywood
is still going on with its usual nonsense:
-Michael Bay, producer of the remakes of Texas Chainsaw
Massacre and The Amityville Horror, is producing a remake
of Alfred Hitchcock's worst film, The Birds.
Isn't that pointless after the great parody in High Anxiety?
Speaking of pointless and Hitchcock: Warner Brothers is remaking
Strangers on a Train despite the fact that Throw Mama From
the Train was already a successful redo.
-Will Ferrell is going for oversaturation with another
remake, this of the '70s kid's series "Land of the Lost".
Of course Dakota Fanning will be cast
as Holly, that is a given, but how ingenious is Imagine
Casting for voting Charo as Cha-ka?
4/20/05:
For £50 you can watch
all 6 Star Wars films in a row -of when they
were made likely- at a London theater. It would be better if you
could watch them in chronological order and I'm assuming that some theater
will make it so sometime after the opening. Anyway, if you want
to hang out with some real losers for 12 hours, you can't do much better
outside of a sci-fi convention.
4/15/05:
I don't know
about other movie theatre chains but the company that I work for has raised
ticket prices again today. Typically each six months either the
adult or the child/senior/matinee goes up a quarter and then six months
later the alternate is increased. Today they have both risen together.
Why? Because of Star Wars.
Price increases
typically go up with big movies and because Episode III goes
on sale today almost nationwide, this particular increase gets a jumpstart
on the summer movie season. The reason for both tickets becoming
more expensive is likely due to whatever deal Lucas and Fox has with theatre
owners. Typically the evil director is known for unusually high
box office percentages for opening weekend, maybe as high as 90/10 compared
to the common 80/20. Since theatres will be making very little cash
in mid-May as a result, look for a raise in concession prices all around
as well.
4/12/05:
To coincide with the release
of Star Wars 3, Bai Ling will
be appearing nude in the June issue of Playboy. Nice going letting
that happen, Mr. George "doin' it for the kids"
Lucas. And when I say that sarcastically, I attack not
the issue of nudity, but the issue of having little interest in seeing
that particular actress naked. If you were really doin' it for the
kids, you'd get Portman in there, because, you so often forget, "the
kids" are all in their 20s and 30s now. Find me an actual child
that was able to buy any of the new toys. No, they were all asleep
while the grown geeks pillaged the Toys 'R' Us shelves at midnight.
Man, I'd even have settled on Genevieve O'Reilly. Bai Ling? Yuck.
Playboy should just stick with photographing past-their-prime celebrities.
4/05/05:
Well, The Film Cynic has once again
been passed over for The Pulitzer Prize. That honor
in the category of criticism went to Joe Morgenstern
of The Wall Street Journal. I know, you're thinking,
"The Wall Street Journal has a film critic?"
I'm not that familiar with Morgenstern
but now I am curious since I don't see how business types who read the
Journal would take interest in great films that don't make a shitload
of money. He is also the man who was often quoted for his criticisms
of Jar Jar Binks in the Star Wars prequel The
Phantom Menace, referring to the annoying character as, "a Rastafarian
Stepin Fetchit on platform hoofs, crossed annoyingly with Butterfly McQueen."
Because of his celebrated attacks
on the current Star Wars films, I congratulate Morgenstern on
his achievement.
4/04/05:
At ShoWest a few weeks ago,
George Lucas unleashed the news that Lucasfilm would
release each Star Wars film in 3-D starting
in 2007 using a new technology that will not require special glasses.
This seemed just another attempt for Lucas to milk his baby for all potential
worth, making loyal fans pay AGAIN and AGAIN to see movies that continually
worsen with changes.
Today, Variety reports, producer
Rick McCallum is denying the immediacy of getting these
new versions into theaters by playing a bit of reverse psychology.
He claims that while the plans are real, the world just won't be prepared
for them in two years.
McCallum added that Lucas is "yearning"
for it but that, "We can't implement it until the industry gets its
act together and pushes digital cinema forward."
Basically, McCallum is guilt-tripping the
theatre owners to go digital in order for it to happen. The fact
that he says the industry needs to "get its act together" goes
to show what a bunch of assholes they are at Lucasfilm. The day
that I can no longer watch films on film is the day that I claim defeat.
Anyway, this news might actually support the rumors that the new Star
Wars will have additional footage on digital copies.
Hey, Lucas and co., don't stop there.
Have each digital disc have different footage and then build a Lucasfilm
airline so that fans will purchase flights to every city that has its
own special version of the film. You could make billions.
Because you need the money.
3/28/05:
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly
cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. It
is being reported/rumored/said that the new Star Wars
will have a different version going to digital projectors.
Producer Rick McCallum is quoted in the May issue of
Empire Magazine:
"The digital version
of the movie will be different from the version that goes out on film.
That has to be locked down so much earlier, whereas the digital can go
right up to a week-and-a-half before the film comes out"
What this should mean is that the digital
version will have few more touch-ups and fine-tuned details which the
audience won't even be aware of. But knowing George Lucas,
I wouldn't put it past him to throw in extra footage to the digital version
in order to get more audience support for the new technology. Because
it has been left up to theatre chains to include the expensive new projectors
in their locations, these companies will have a new incentive to purchase
one to meet demands.
I somewhat hope that Lucas does this.
There are already enough reasons for him to be a villain of the cinema,
but this would make him far more evil than even his darkest character.
3/24/05:
Follow-Up!
MPAA President Dan Glickman is the father
of the week. Thursday, I reported that Glickman's movie producer
son, Jonathan, had whined after hearing that bootlegs
of his film, The Pacifier, were being sold around
Mexico City. The Hollywood leader made it a priority for his organization
to get those pirates and, like a good dad, his promise has been kept.
Glickman complained to Mexican President Vincente Fox
and from there authorities performed an enormously successful raid, procuring
20 tons of equipment and merchandise from six production labs, one packaging
lab and four "distribution centers" (aka folding tables on sidewalks?).
So, if it is that easy to shut down the makers
of bootleg discs, shouldn't these procedures be taken in our own country?
I'm pretty sure that since I know where to buy pirated films that everybody
else in the country does. I don't even know where to score some
pot. Perhaps I can write a letter to Jonathan, telling of my own
purchasing of the Vin Diesel comedy (I didn't really
buy it, don't worry) so that he can have another fit.
Anyway, while the Glickman family celebrates
their victory, I welcome you to read this amusing article about the MPAA's
goals from BBspot:
MPAA
to Thwart Pirates By Making All Movies Suck
-Bob Berney continues to show
his ability to print money for himself. The former IFC Films head
and now president of Newmarket Films likely became unecessarily
richer with his current company's acquisition by Fine Line
and HBO. Just when it seems there's one man out
there looking out for good independent filmmaking (The Woodsman)
and courageously controversial productions (The Passion of the Christ),
that man goes and loses my respect by turning his indie into a division.
Sure, he should never have gotten my props by campaigning for crap like
My Big Fat Greek Wedding but, man, I have to admire a guy who
can market a $10 sitcom to people who get TV for free. Berney could
sell snow in Antarctica.
-Several
large-screen theaters in the south (Texas, Georgia and the Carolinas,
specifically) have chosen not to show the new IMAX film
Volcanoes of the Deep Sea because it references
the theory of evolution. It becomes clear that Christian Fundamentalism
is getting out of hand. I forsee a large campaign to destroy all
non-human primates in the world just to prevent any further arguments
against creationism.
-M. Night Shymalan has
gone to Warner Brothers with his new script, Lady in the Water,
which seems to be about a mermaid, but with Shymalan it is never what
it seems, or is it? I bet it turns out the mermaid is really just
an android cave woman ghost with an eye patch. Disney, who has a
first-look deal with the writer-director, passed on the project.
When contacted, Disney only had to hold up a DVD copy of Shymalan's last
film, The Village, and reporters quietly nodded their heads in
understanding.
3/23/05:
A sequel
to The Butterfly Effect has been greenlit.
I think they were going to call it The Butterfly Effect Too -it
doesn't feature the same characters but does have the same plot - but
that doesn't make any sense. Besides, The Jacket is really
already deserving of that title.
3/17/05:
-It was announced at ShoWest yesterday that PG-rated
movies have out-grossed those rated R for the first time in 20 years.
PG-13 movies, though, continued to make the most. John Fithian,
president of National Association of Theatre Owners, called out for more
family releases because of their apparent earnings for the members of
his organization. I'd like to take this opportunity to direct you
to my READ column on how the PG-13
rating is ruining cinema: Why
Today's Movies Are Tomorrow's Garbage
Pt. 1: PG-13 and the Cinematic Centrism.
The best part about the reports from ShoWest
focus on the new MPAA president Dan Glickman and his
son, producer Jonathan Glickman who, as quoted, seems
like a brat. I would have liked the senior Glickman to have said
that his biggest task is to stop his son from producing bad movies like
The Pacifier, but I can't expect the unlikely, aka the right
thing to do.
Check out the AP article here: Family
Flicks Outperform R-Rated Titles
3/10/05:
-Marlon Brando will appear in the new Superman
movie through the use of archive footage not used for Superman II.
So as long as they're using the same Jor-El couldn't we just have Gene
Hackman return as Luthor? Hell, just digitalize old footage
of Christopher Reeve, too and save costs in paying real
actors.
-Revolution Studios has just edged into the lead in the race
for worst movie ever made. With a script by Allen Covert
(Eight Crazy Nights) and Nick Swardson (Malibu's
Most Wanted), Benchwarmers stars Rob Schneider,
David Spade and Jon Heder (aka Napoleon Dynamite)
as terrible athletes. They're probably better atheletes
than actors, at least.
-Fox Animation and Blue Sky Studios have officially
announced their plans to make a CG-animated version of Dr. Seuss'
Horton Hears a Who after completing the unnecessary
sequel to Ice Age. The book is being adapted
by the team of Cinco Paul & Ken Daurio (The
Santa Clause 2).
2/26/05:
-Sonny Crockett wearing
socks!?!?!?! Colin better have just been cold that day and
they'll digitally enter his fleshy ankles in post. Otherwise,
the Miami Vice movie is destined to be shit.
2/22/05:
-The current trend for sequels is to greenlight them on the monday
morning following the original's opening weekend. I haven't discovered
yet what box office gross minimum is required for the greenlight, but
it seems nearly every action, horror and comedy film falls victim.
Yesterday's announcement came for Constantine 2.
-That trend doesn't account for the news of The Net 2.0
a predictably titled sequel to the 1995 Sandra Bullock
techno-thriller that began my hatred for onscreen internet chatting.
The new plot will be a near carbon copy but won't have the coincidental
factor of centering on the same character.
-Ben Affleck is Superman! Well, not quite, but
he must have some super powers to continue getting work. He will
portray actor George Reeves, star of "The
Adventures of Superman" in the 1950s, who died under
mysterious circumstances. The film, titled Truth, Justice
and the American Way, also stars Diane Lane.
1/16/04:
-Doug
Richardson, writer of the upcoming action movie Hostage
starring Bruce Willis is writing Die Hard
4.0. This is funny because while watching the
trailer for Hostage I thought it was Die Hard 4.0.
1/06/05:
-Kevin Spacey could be really good as Lex Luthor, but
my acceptance of his relevance in cinema is beginning to erode.
Besides, he's no Hackman. Additionally, I would
rather have a more plain actress play Lois Lane (ala Margo Kidder)
than the sexy cutiepie that is Kate Bosworth.
Bryan Singer's Superman
movie just dropped to the downward arrows.
Browse the Bad News Archive
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
||||||