cynical behavior

12/26/04:
       One of the main problems for cinemaniacs is that they have more interaction with film characters than real people.  Their sense of reality must be warped.
       I had a case of cinemania this morning:  Upon reading about the earthquake and tidal waves in Asia that killed more than 3,000 people (many more since this blog was written of course), including at least 200 (ditto) in Thailand, I tried to remember who I knew with a brother or sister in that country.  I don't actually know anyone with a relative or friend over there.  I was recalling a story point from Meet the Fockers.  The other daughter of Robert DeNiro and Blythe Danner (Nicole DeHuff in the original) is mentioned to be in Thailand with her husband setting up a clinic or something. 
       So I feel like an ass for being so concerned for movie characters.  I don't even have more interaction with movies than people (one of the reasons I'm not a successful critic, no doubt).  It is somewhat like waking up from a dream that seems so real you go about your day thinking its events actually transpired.  I woke from a dream like that this morning too.  I don't remember what the dream was about though, as my alarm and rush to get up has wiped away preceding thoughts.  Maybe later I will think about something that I think has happened -but hasn't. 
      For now though, let me offer condolences to anyone out there who actually does have relatives in any of the nations effected by the earthquake. 

12/21/04:
       I'm not much of a consumer and in the rare times I am inside a record store (do we still call them that?) I don't remember anything I had once contemplated buying.  I don't buy DVDs because I rarely re-watch movies.   There are too many films I haven't seen yet that would better occupy my limited time. 
      During the holidays, I have a similiar shopping amnesia to the record store situation.  It becomes yet another reason why I would rather ignore the season altogether.  Not that I'm a Scrooge.  I just don't like being forced to or told when to buy gifts.  I would like to give presents throughout the year at such times that I feel inclined to do so or when I spontaneously come up with something to give.  Because of designated gift giving, generosity in non-holiday times is viewed as strange, suspicious, suggestive and inappropriate. 
      My problem is that by this time, I've forgotten any meaningful gesture and become stressed in my attempt to get just any old thing they might like.  It makes the holiday so impersonal and therefore less appreciative.  I prefer no gift at all to one that seems required.  If that makes me seem ungrateful, so be it.  The phrase, "its the thought that counts" is no longer support for good intentions as it is an excuse for no intentions at all. 

      Meanwhile the holiday season gives me another excuse for procrastination on the site.  With so many movies released this week, I would rather watch them, marathon-like, than write about just one or two.  I love movies more than I love writing about them, even if individually I dislike them more than I like complaining about them.  I just need to get into a practice of taking less time to write a review than it does to watch the film I'm reviewing. 
      As of the new year, I shall hope to discard my propensity for making excuses.  I can't completely deny myself relationships, friends, work, errands, obligations and holidays because they take up time I could be a literary hermit, but I also can't blame them when it is my own laziness, attention span, time management, and preferment to be the grasshopper instead of the ant. 
      If I can mold myself into a thinner, non-smoking, less-drinking rock of a man than I must have the will to stay focused on my goal to make lowexpectation.com into a popular - not as in well-liked but well-read - website and begin the hollywood revolution from a very far reach. 
      In addition to my own commitments of longer hours/more productivity/intense devotion to the cause, I welcome others who may share my feelings of dissatisfaction, disappointment and disgruntlement with the state of motion pictures.  I may be a control freak and in love with myself and my opinions but I do not disregard the cynicism and pessimism of others. 
      So make your new year's resolution to join the fight!  Or just drop me some hate mail.  Or hack in and redo my site so it makes me seem optimistic of all films, even The Pacifier.  I don't care.  Just encourage me to get my ass in gear and put an end to my three hour narcississtic masturation sessions.